depressed.

Me: "Feel like selling it and no more laptop until next year lol"
AL: "Sell lor.. Buy Acer la.. haiyo..c mine..so kin.."
Me: "No money"
AL: "Then earn money nor.."
Me: "Cannot use parents money for luxury stuffs anymore. That's why i say next year. hahaha"
AL: "U know then good lor.."
Me: "That's sounds like I always spent parents money like water like that"
AL: "Abit le..== "

A conversation between a friend.

This conversation... made my mood extremely bad. bad. bad. bad. bad !

TOTALLY GOT NO MOOD AT ALL. THANKS TO YOU.

I admitted. My dad love me a lots. What I asks from dad, he will give it to me.
Just like my very first poor laptop on 2008.
My second  Asus laptop on 2010.
And my first Android HTC Incredible S as my 21st years old present.

Since 2003, I went to Brunei for studies, till 2007.
I spent probably more than RM50k on the school fees, my pocket money, expenses,etc.

2008, I went to Miri to study CAT. Dad sold his portion of the land to my eldest uncle, just to support me to study.

2009 July, I came to Klang. August I'd a job at Citra, until November.
2010, I came to KDU, to further my CAT. I used a year, to complete just 2 papers. WHAT A SHAME.
2011 January, I'm officially an ACCA student.
2011 August, June result is release. I failed it terribly. F4-3marks ; F6- 26marks.

I remember, my dad ever told me, his account left no more than 20.
I'm so sorry. I'm truly sorry.
I've been wasting your money.
Sometime I really wanted to give up on ACCA.
I really don't want to continue anymore.
But I couldn't let go. But..

What I can do now, it is study smart. study well. pass and pass.

Shall We Talk?

hmm.

06 59 am
06.07.10
Tuesday

FIRST of all,

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU, YY!~
LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU~ *blush!*

2nd,
look at the date, and the time.
i slept before 2am, and now im awake already.
omg! why hah? haih!

3rd,
seeing my room is quite-in-well-arranged make me feel no bad.
last night it was horrible.
i was doing unpacking and packing luggage at the same time.
i unpacked my luggage i brought back from lawas, and packed the things that i din use often for moving house.
plus, MISS BONG punya things, == why you leave so many boxes and bags for me,and i threw alllllll ur magazine already. LOL. hehehehe!
I really hope the owner would let me move in the things little by little first..

4th,
holiday came to the end. feels like i have never back to lawas, and i was here in this 3 weeks.
time passed in a blink of eyes.

last,
i don't know why i dreamt that i quarreled with my cousin again, the one i did not like him so much one.
== i was very mad in the dream. hm, weird. lol. whatever.





07 12am
END

update.

It's the 3rd day i left PJ.

i wasn't feel relax at all when i got home.
my dad looks in a bad mood, my mom keep nagging me.
i was bothering by the moving out from hostel plans.
i felt so stressed.
then i started to think again, if i was rich, i wouldn't have so much troubles.
anyway it is just a thought.

and.. one of my primary classmate, 江小琳, she just passed away yesterday.
R.I.P.
it was too sudden. i never thought that i would have another friend leave the world at so young age.
小琳's news reminded me of 诗情, who passed away few years ago in a car accident,at the age of 18 .

life is unpredictable.. 

---

end.

...

suddenly.
i don't want to study.
at this moment, i'm sick of it.

the exam is coming real fast,
12 more days i think?
it's, 00 49 of 28th May.
8th June is my T7 exam, 11th June is my T5 exam.

i still don't have the mood to study.
IM DYING! SERIOUSLY!
i don't know why.
keep doing countdown of days, yet not doing anything.
keep telling myself must pass CAT this time, yet not doing anything in order to pass.

SIENS!

梦飞船 - 不值得

除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记打开心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
 

这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
 

ha~这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
ha~我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
ha~ha~我决定不为你而毁了心
[白]我决定:放弃你
放弃爱你

hm!

06.05.2010

look at the date. gdi!
i still have one month to go to my June CAT exam.

i should study. but i'm watching 'shutter island' now.
lol!.
i should study. but i'm not feeling well. i don't want to read the book.
just got back my T5 mock exam, i failed it again.
i guess i'm gonna fail my T7 also.. huh! Mock exam i meant.
fckup!

Ice Cream

You talk to me
You speak with me
Don't sink before you rise, baby
Don't fade away

You hesitate
You seem to wait
For all the time we had
Feels like a world away

Who's to say, we'll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause we're the same
And I know that we'll never change
Look I bought your favourite ice cream
I don't wanna see it melt away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we're gonna be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where I know I won't forget

And now, who's to say, we'll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause were the same
And I know that we'll never change
Look I bought your favorite ice ream
I don't want to see it melts away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

I want you to stay here with me

-------------------------------------------------

'i want you to stay here with me'.

non stop listening to this song.

---

mock exam is coming real soon. 10 days to T5, 19 days to T7.

I realize that i only can concentrate to one thing at once.

That is a real bad habit.

I like T7 more than T5.

So I practice more T7 than T5.

I like calculations than theories.

So I practice more calculations than theories.

---

by the way, Nic and I have filled up a long holiday form to GSC, until August.

working over there is getting bored already. I set the boundaries between them, if not they are gonna step on you. they never appreciate the good of you instead of taking advantages from you.

---

时间快得不像话!

19th March,2010.

时间过得非常快.
太恐怖了.

刚刚早上才注册了 6 月 的考试.
毫无疑问 不必考虑
paper5 paper7 都拿了.
不知哪里来的自信.
只知道要开始好好读书了.

哪里能一直停在CAT这个阶段,
看着朋友一步步往上爬...
所以我也要加油了.

:D

once in a blue moon...

... ... ...

i enrolled to KDU college this January =)

re-taking CAT paper 7 again. 

the lecturer, Mr.Chan is nice. good lecturing. 

but i always blank while i see the question in revision kit and also the progress test. 

felt so down and guilty everytime i try to pratice the question, because i don't know how to start it.

after dec2009 result released on feb22, as i expected, i failed my paper 5 this time, 31 marks.

so i enrolled to paper 5 class again. 

on the first day to the class, it was the 10th class of them.

Alex Chan is my T5 lecturer. a very adorable lecturer. LOL.

i like his class. he made the 100% theories paper become lively and interesting.

3 hours in his class seems bit not enough for me. should add half or an hour more. 

im crazy. LOL. 

classmates are quite friendly, and we have laughter during AC's class.

after joining his class, i felt kinda regret of late enrolled. i should have enrolled earlier since i already foresee my T5 result.

i'm actually sit alone in both classes. i don't even know their name also.

lol! 

lah lah! forget about this.

i have 11 weeks to go to the real CAT exam.

my T7 still very poor. 

i missed 10 classes in T5. i don't know how to catchup. 

hais!

i start my 1st plan tomorrow or wednesday. go to library everyday whenever i don't have class.

=D

--- --- --- --- ---- --- --- --- 

and yea. 

i work part time at GSC. 

yeah! weekend only.

RM3.60 per hour.

kinda low but better than nothing.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- 

LOL. i skyped with MR.WONG YUNG PING!

he made me LMAO..........................

love you la darling. hahahaha!

you made me laugh alotssss... mwahs. lol.

xxxup!

my heart is fckup alr.
i cant stop thinking about the past.
im the one who told him, 'it's over,dear'
but im the one who cannot forget again.

fckup...~
i just need someone new.

random.

`when i  was a little girl, i wanted the time to go real fast, thinking that being an adult is a great thing.

but when I become a young adult, i just hope the time could be stop when there is sadness or happiness, or i could go back to the place i wanted to, and change the past that i regretted it to be happened.

and now i'm thinking, and so do everyone, being a naive kid is such a beautiful thing. `

last night i was emo again. 

chen ask me to get a journal, to write the thinks down.

yea, i think i will get one.

and a beatiful mug too. :D

thanks for being my so best friend. 

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well, first... just wanna stated something.

1) my so free timetable

-- my mom was annoying me with my so-empty timetable, because i told her i only have 2 days class in a week. she started nagging me, there this is the Q and A of our conversation.

Q: why 2 days class only?

A: because i only take one paper.

Q: others timetable ler? 

A: dont know about them la.but different la. because we all have different timetable, depends on you take how many paper this semester. 

Q: what you do during your free days ler?

A: do some reading on the text lo. revision lo. 

-and then she said, impossible you study everyday de mah, will sots ler.

actually i lied. i looking at my laptop most of the days.

Q: why u seems like don't know how to be independent, don't know how to find yourself a part-time job?

A: i will find bah mi, i wanna go find already. 

Q: if you find liao, how you go to work ler? how you back home ler?

A: just find somewhere the school bus will pass by one la, when back home also same la. got bus schedule mah.

Q: the school bus will go there pick you de meh?

A: aiya, the school bus will pass by, thn i just go out before bus reach la.

Q: will have a lots of people wait together with you or not one? alone wait is it?

A: no bah... will have others also de bah.

thn mom keep bla bla there again, and finally she said, like this so mafan so dangerous, no need go find work you........ 

@.@ hais.

but la. the last time she called, i told her i applied part time job at sakae sushi in one utama with nicole already, just wait the call from them lo. then she is quite ok with it. 

haha! finally she didn't nag me about my timetable already. phew~~

2) Promises made to my parents and myself.

-- After i stepped into the KDU, my mom's cousin who work in accounting field and studying part time ask, why wanted to send me to such expensive college?accounting can study at those tuition centre also.

i promise to myself, and my mom, i will pass the CAT papers i left at this coming June Exam.

and then proceed to Acca Level 2. I would use 1.5 years to complete Level 2 six papers.

and then take the bachelor degree papers from OBU(Oxford Brookes University) and also continue to Level 3.

After i attended the Pac's orientation, knowing the OBU course, knowing the career path after complete ACCA..

I have more passion on the field that I stepped into. 

PS : well i really hope that i could make it =)

3) Get a Mr. Right.?

LOL. this sound so funny. Mr. Right? does Mr. Right really exist in this world?

i read a phrase from a book,.

`when it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

thats so true. haha. 


 Mr. Right are the one who do exactly what he said. - by J.Harn. 

hahaha!

hm. i guess i end here first. they are 'singing' again, 5 times a day, so noisy!

and i'm kinda hungry also. haha. 

tata~

... ...

或许
或许
或许

或许...

圣诞啊~

17 Dec, 2009

09:54

Thursday

圣诞节将近.

回想一下 原来从我有记忆以来

我没有过个像样的圣诞

为何我如此的悲哀啊?? ==

看来第19次的圣诞

也是一个人渡过?

要不然就是和无法融入的表兄弟姐妹渡过?

那我宁愿一个人啊~~

别说圣诞了

我连自己18岁的生日当天

都这样草草渡过

只是住宿的朋友在我生日前一天

帮我庆祝了

那就这样吧~~

btw

`guy, i bet you are already forgot what you had said and gonna be busy for whole night huh~ `

END

10:04

bored,

14 Dec, 2009

22:41

Monday

I'm getting so bored after the exam.

Didn't want to touch the books recently.

Didn't want to go out too.

I'm really very choosy.

I only go out with the person i want to.

LOL.

But the person i want to go with is not asking me.

Well. haha. we are not finding each other also la.

Whatever.

I feel like running away from this place.

I feel like cut off the contacts to everyone in Miri.

Someone I hate is there.

I shouldn't go back to Miri.

But i miss my sister and niece.

I love them too.

and yea.

i think i miss him.

i think i like him.

but.

we are not moving on.

i don't dare to text him.

i don't dare to find him.

he is not finding me too.

hais.

forget about this.

hahaha!

END
23:09